Thursday, October 29, 2009

Who cares if you have a perm? I don't.

*throwback! My teacher's photo when I was in L.A.
I came in on the weekend and didn't expect to take a photo.
Why is my hair so high? LMAO!*

A friend of mine popped off on me the other day. It was in reference to my Facebook status in which I talked about needing a few ladies with various hair types to answer a few questions regarding "good hair".

My friend sends me a message and says,

"The Natural Hair Extraordinaire" is at it again!

I respond with


She then goes into some tirade about how irritated she is with natural folx always trying to make everyone else who is not natural feel bad. She said she loves the perm and has no intentions of ever going natural.

First of all---if YOU feel bad about not having natural hair, that's between YOU and YOUR insecurities. This may come as shock but I DON'T CARE. Really, it's true. I am natural and I will always be natural. I could care less if the chick next to me, my best friend or even my Mom wear natural hair. I take pride in my natural hair but I am not on some attempt to make everyone go natural. Is it possible for me to show pride in MY hair without YOU getting offended?

Is there division between naturals and permies? I think so. I think we are all responsible for it. And it's so silly. Yes, I'm sure there are some naturals that judge people who perm their hair. And there are permies who judge naturals thinking that we are all some afrocentric "power to the people" monolithic group?

Wrong wrong wrong.

Permies need to understand this----just because a sista takes pride in her natural hair, it does not mean she thinks you too should go natural. I'd rather attempt to bring about world peace than "make all Black women go natural". I think it would be fantastic if Black women accepted their natural beauty but if they don' will move on. We have bigger issues to deal with in the Black community. I'm more concerned about us owning these hair shops we spend a crap load of dollars in.

I am not "better" because I have natural hair. And you aren't better because you live a lye.

I'm soooo kidding about that one. It's just a joke. But really...lighten up, people. I'm natural and natural I will stay. I love Black hair....the history, the stories, the struggle, the ideas, the perception. I love ladies who can rock a mean wrap. I love little brown girls with candy curls. I think it's amazing what a flat iron can do. Creating styles and maintaining Black hair is an art. I'm amazed by it really.

But I'm not amazed by weaves. I'm just bothers me. But again, that's my prerogative .

Sista, I don't really care if you have a perm.



Dee said...

I wish I could email this to EVERYONE of my friends. I'm so sick of the trash talking for real. Your hair is like your lipstick and to each their shade and type. If anyone has an issue with the next person's hair I say GET OVER IT!

Nickelicious said...

I don't give two flying fingers about your permed hair. I am natural -have been for 10 years and will be for LIFE. So I say to any permed hair sister that will say that I am trying to convert you or that I want you to go natural because I are a lye, lye, lye LOL. No but really, some of my cloesest friends are permies and it's all good. I consider us the Diverse Divas..

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

I really enjoyed this post. There is a division between relaxed and natural hair; a division that shouldn't be there, but it's here. I think both groups feel passionate about their reasons for either relaxing or not relaxing their hair, and passion is fine...until you cross the line with disrespect. I think if anyone gets offended, then that's a personal problem. There are more important things to be offended by, and if hair is something that offends you, then get a hobby or something because it's not that serious. Luckily, I don't have these debates anymore, but when I did, I simply ended it before it got started by saying, "you can kiss what I twist, and I'm not talking about my wrist."

Samantha Sophia said...

I have not even read the post yet. I just want to comment on how rockin that photo of you is!

Bsquared86 said...

indeed, sis . . . indeed!

Hair is hair is hair is hair . . . rock it how you like it! just b/c i'm natural and love my naturalness doesn't mean that you should feel bad about your relaxer! if u like it, i love it!

Unknown said...

You say that you're not "judging" people who do not wear their hair natural in one breath but in the next breath you say "I think it would be fantastic if Black women accepted their natural beauty but if they don' will move on."
Really? So I'm not accepting my natural beauty because I wear a relaxer? Do you wear make-up? The same could be said about not accepting your natural beauty that way either. There are as many reasons for wearing perms AND yes, weaves as there are women who make the choice.
I'm truly sick of natural girls with THEIR issues, who were told they were ugly and who have come to "accept" themselves thinking that everyone who does not wear their hair in twists or dreads as a woman who hates herself.
Does that apply to girls who press their hair but it's natural when wet? Does that apply to women who wear afros under their weaves?
Nobody feels bad about their relaxers -- what they feel bad about is their so-called sisters sitting all high and mighty because they choose to "accept" themselves. Get over yourselves!

~Just BLESS~ said...

Wow...there's a lot of negativity in your post 1514. I can only speak for myself as a natural hair wearing woman. I don't look down on those who perm their hair at all. I am happy that I no longer choose to do that. I am sad that there are many who feel that burnt scabby scalps and no edges are worth putting relaxer in their hair. I am so sad that much of it is due to ignorance. When I say ignorance, I mean doing it just because that is what your mothers and grandmothers, etc did. So you just get into the habit of doing it yourself. That's why it troubles me because we don't take the time to find out what's being put in and on our bodies and why.

As far as make up goes...I don't see how you can even put those two in the same light. Makeup is an enhancer. You are not changing your look...only enhancing what you have. Now if someone is putting hot scalding foundation on their face then I will see your comparison.

AssertiveWit said...

~Just BLESS~, not every woman who wears a relaxer gets burnt scabby scalps and ends up with no edges. That happens from over processing, dear.

I understand where 1514sedgwickavenue is coming from, however, I don't categorize ALL women who wear their hair natural and think they are ALL judgmental of those who wear relaxers...only SOME women act like that and THOSE are the ones I give the side eye to.

I'm trying very hard not to give you the side eye because your comment comes across like you're better for not relaxing your hair. It's a preference that you are entitled to just as much as the next woman so you should be respectful of that instead of stating things that are not true for EVERYONE who gets a relaxer.

Writer of the post, good blog! Folks just need to stop attacking each other about PERSONAL choices with their hair.

~Just BLESS~ said...

Hi Assertive!

Oh no not the side eye! LOL I absolutely agree with you which is why if you read over what I wrote, you will notice I said "there are MANY who feel that burnt scabby scalps and no edges are worth putting relaxer in their hair." As I'm sure you know "many" does not include "EVERY". I know of MANY women who chalk the after effects of overprocessing up to "the price of beauty". That's why it saddens me in reference to THOSE women. They see the damage that they've endured yet continue to put themselves in a place to go through even more because they feel that beauty dictates that they should. Yes it's absolutely a personal choice and I respect that. But that doesn't mean I can't or won't be affected when THOSE women can't (or refuse to) see that True Beauty is not about how you wear your hair. True Beauty is about how you feel about yourself on the inside, showcased on the outside.

B said...

Ladies, yall's discussion is a good one. I, for one, ain't gettin' in it. LOL...I know, I know...too late for that but I've gotten so much hate mail for this post that I'm just going to keep my sentiments to myself for right now. Folx dun took EVERYTHING I said out of context.

Oh well....carry on, darlings. :)

Unknown said...

I have had perms and weaves in my hair and I can honestly say that I have never felt more beautiful then when I look into the mirror and see my thick, natural Afro. For those of you who have perms or weaves, please understand that my pride in my hair is NOT an affront to you. Its just that everywhere you look you see women with hair that is visibly not theirs, or not their texture. So for me it was a hard journey to accept my naturalness. But it was a journey well worth it. I had people giving me the "side eye", people wanting to touch my hair bc "it looks so cool. How do you get your hair to do that?" My own boyfriend stated that he didnt think the fro was an actual hairstyle. So yes, I have been on both sides. The blind acceptance I received because I looked like everybody else, as opposed to the genuine respect I get from those who realize that yes, my hair is natural, yes, its a HAIRSTYLE, and yes, I am NO DIFFERENT than those with a perm or a weave in their heads. To my permy sistas I say this. If you like your hair, then keep doing what you do. Just be aware of what you are putting in your hair. Dont choose a hairstyle based on what MAINSTREAM AMERICA has deemed presentable. Choose your hairstyle, lifestyle, whatever for yourself. I did. I chose natural. And it was the best decision in my life

Kimberly said...

i dont care if they go natural. just wish they would stop torturing their kids because they dont know how to do real hair.