Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Fro-Back When: My response to a Natural Hair Hater

A few days ago I was looking through one of my email accounts that I had in college. I noticed a folder called "Drama Crap" and after looking at some of the emails exchanged from ex-boyfriends, old roommates and friends, I came across one that really made me mad allll over again.

One of my high school best friends straight up told me that she HATED my natural hair. This was around the time that I went natural and was insecure about the whole "natural and short" look. Her words cut me deep. And here was my response to her.

May 2005
20 Years Old

How appropriate is that photo? HA!

Dear Friend,

You really pissed me off the other day. This whole "natural hair" thing has so many people trying to bring me down and make me feel bad and I'm just sick of it. I have people on the streets who say nicer things about my hair than my own friends. And that hurts. Try really believing in something and feeling passionate about it and then your own friends and loved ones.....tell you otherwise. That's exactly what you did when I showed you the picture of my hair. You didn't have not one nice thing to say about it. And maybe you really didn't like it. Okay, fine---I want you to be honest about it, but I didn't want you to be rude and go down the list of things that made me cutting off my hair so bad.

It's not easy putting scissors to your own hair and leaving the world of "perms". It takes someone bold, brave and "real" to stop living up to what society says is beautiful. I had to slowly pick myself back up after talking to you because you really made me feel bad. Maybe you don't remember the things you said, or didn't mean for them to sound so harsh, but honey trust hurt.
It seems as if no one can understand this "new found" Brittany. Cutting my hair was about change, about sick of straight and FAKE hair, about discovering the new "me" that was always hidden by the lye.

But believe it or not, I'm not an advocate for natural hair. I could care less if you or anyone else loooove natural hair. I'm doing me. And while you may not understand that, I do think respecting my decision is important. That's what friends do, right?

Haven't talked to her since. We had other problems but a friend not accepting my new look was really the icing on the cake.

If you are considering going natural or loc'ing but are hesitant about what people think, consider one thing: IT DOESN'T MATTER! [Newsflash] It is YOUR hair. And no one should make you feel bad about wearing it in its natural state. The road to natural hair isn't an easy journey. If forces you to love yourself in a way that you have never done before. If you choose to see it that way. Do you and love you.

Peace and loc've


Amina said...

first of all, I loooooooooove that picture! OMG!! Look at all those coils!
Your hair was begging you to loc!!!!

It is sad when friends don't support our choices but you handled it so well

PhePhi said...

ur hair was hottttt....
i feel ur pain. i got a lot of backlash for going natural. but i just basically told opposers to kiss my black bootay! period. my mom still makes derogatory comments like 'u look like ur from africa,' or 'when r u going to get ur hair done?' i just shoot her a mean look & keep it moving. u r beautiful & don'tcha 4get it!!

msfullroller said...

Co signing on with Phe and Amina. I know you've seen Kat Williams "Haters"? If not search on You Tube, hopefully the clip is still there.

Bsquared86 said...

great post! its a shame that every single person I know that chose to loc or rock loose naps has a story similar to this.

i really struggle to understand why fam and friends say mean, rude, inappropriate things to us about what WE do to OURselves! me choosing to loc or rock a fro has no bearing on their lives YET i was met w/ hostility, negativity, & nastiness on occasion. SMH.

Natalie said...

Dont let anyone bring you down!

Your hair is FAB and yes it does take a STRONG & REAL person to do what you did, tell the haters to fall back!

B said...


Love y'all!

Anonymous said...

As always...I'm responding late.

Both my best friends responded horribly when I told them I was gonna loc. It did hurt initially but I got over it. They love my hair now though.. Matter fact, the one who disliked the idea the most is now natural...ha!

I also think some of the anger is their own insecurities....

Edie said...

U are strong and keep doing you..
Its a shame how the people that are supposed to love us and support us are the ones that tear us down.
But you have our support anyway...x