This post is moreso my jotting down things that I need to be telling myself so bear with me here, okay? I know of a few ladies who also deal with with this and that inspired me to write a post about it.
What am I talking about, you ask?
I'm talking about people complimenting your locs and you responding with a "not so nice" comment. I know I can't be the only one that does this...
I saw this video over at The Kitchen Salon and just had to share it with the Loc Rocker fam. I've never watched a complete episode of The View. Only excerpts from controversial episodes. But I've always been an enormous fan of Whoopi Goldberg. I mean, HUGE!! This is a conscious sista that thinks before she speaks and always has something thought provoking to say.
That said, check out of the following video.
Whoopi brings up good questions. While Sherri Shepard wears weave (Obviously. It looks so freakin' fake and horrendous. Sorry, but it does.), Whoopi questions why so many Black women have to wear straight and super long weave. Shoopi says, "Why isn't it an afro weave?" That's a damn good question.
And then Joy Behar (thanks Google) answers that question with "Well, because when your hair is straighter, you can do more with it."
It's stories like that prove that black hair a big effing deal. And not always in a good way. This story pisses me off to no end and I hope that they press charges. And march. I am sick of people telling us that our hair is not professional. Peep the video and let me know what y'all think. Thanks Aisha.
P.S. I know some of y'all are down with the word "dreads" but it kinda makes me cringe the way its used in this story. Or is that just me? Probably. LOL!
This video popped up in my RSS feeder via Black Girl with Long Hair. I seriously thought it was a joke.
You mean to tell me this sister's childhood was ruined because of her hair? What a bunch of bull. And I won't even get started on this "Natural organic hair system". How vague is that? You would think the brand would give a little more information about the products. I smell a rat.
Veteran Loc Rocker readers know that I have an issue with weave. I usually keep my thoughts about weave silent as to not offend others but it's really one of those things that I vehemently dislike. I don't care who is wearing it, 9 times out of 10, it looks fake and I find that women who wear weaves on a regular have a complex; whether they like to admit it or not.
At the end of the day, I could care less how others where their hair, but I've never worn a weave and never will. And if I can help it, neither will my kids. What should simply be a hairstyle is really a complex. And exactly how can you break that when it starts as young as 3?
Pay no mind to the channel where I got this embedded video. This YouTube channel seems to be full of videos bashing Black women (surprise, surprise) and talking about what we ain't doing, shouldn't be doing as if we are a monolithic group. But I'll save that rant for my personal blog.
What do y'all think? Any former weave wearers feel that they had a complex about their hair and image? Did you feel more attractive with longer hair? I understand that this is an issue among girls of all backgrounds. Anyone ever catch those make-overs on America's Next Top Model. Just about every season, there was a white girl screaming bloody murder over the thought of having her hair cut. For some reason, women in general associate longer hair with femininity. Why is that?
Did you know that there's a difference? A lot of brands try to make us naturals feel that there isn't a difference but there is. I've realized this within the first year I was natural. I spent months trying products from Miss. Jessie's, Kinky Curly and Carol's Daughter only to get my feelings hurt.
You see, my hair ain't curly. Ain't nothin' curly about it. I don't have spiral-y tendrils. It doesn't get curlier when it gets wet. It's not wavy. My hair is thick and coarse. Pre-locs, when it got wet, it would shrink up. I have straight up nappy hair. With no shame. When I first started my journey I mistakenly thought that curly and kinky meant the same thing. I thought that products for curly hair would work for my hair texture. That they would loosen up my curl pattern and gave me more of a curl than a kink.
#FAIL
Chime in, my 4a and 4b sistas. Have y'all ever been confused or bamboozled by the term "curly"?
Let me tell y'all something about YouTube.....it ain't made for the weak. If you find yourself to be extremely sensitive and bothered by things that strangers type, then don't bother to make a video and publicly display yourself.
It's true. While I have learned a great deal by watching helpful videos on YouTube, I have also been called every name in the book. I get at least 10 comments a day about how "Black" I am (um...okay) to how hideous my hair is. It's the norm and I've learned to delete those comments the way you delete spam in your inbox. My hair video Pelo Negro gets the most hate. I get far right and far left too. Some folx will say...
"Yeah, Black hair is the best and Black people are the best and we rule this world."
And then I'll get..
"Black people are the worst, their hair sucks and White people rule the world."
Ridic, right? Check this one out....
Can you believe that? "Locs forces the hair in a militant state"? I don't mean to put this user on blast but they already did so by commenting on my video. Without bashing this person's existence (I ain't gon lie...I wanted to b/c I thought this statement was INSANE), what do you think about this statement?
OH--and Happy Black History Month!!! Or life if you celebrate it everyday like me. :)
People get on my nerves. Seriously. A few days ago an associate from mine told me that to some I may not be considered natural because I do not wear my natural hair color.
I've heard of these claims before on natural hair care forums. My opinion?
It's ridiculous.
You cannot compare altering hair texture to altering hair color.
Many years ago Black women altered their hair texture to make it "more manageable" or "more attractive" or "more European-like". We can argue all day WHY Black women damaged their beautiful natural kinks and traded them for straight hair. But that isn't the issue.
How can dying my hair light brown or red or orange or black or purple make my hair unnatural? My hair color is unnatural but I STILL rock my natural texture. Therefore I'm natural.
See, this is the problem with labels. They confine you to a tight little box with very little room to move. For the past 4 years I have considered my hair to be "natural"....yet there are others who say that because I dye my hair I am not natural.
Ain't that something?
I say "Screw 'em". I define myself and I proudly adopt my natural-ism. I could care less who thinks less of me and my hair because I choose to color it.
I urge other naturals to define themselves as well. Don't let people put you in a box. Whether you color your natural hair or straighten your natural hair or even cover your natural hair with wigs and weaves---if you still love, accept and take care of your unaltered hair, then, baby....
The job that I have now requires that I dress professionally. I wear dress shoes/heels everyday and I generally wear dress pants, skirts, blouses, dresses and suits. I never complain because I prefer dressing this way. Business chic is totally my style.
So is bohem-hippie but I only bring that out on the weekends. :)
I first went natural I was in college. This was the PERFECT time to be free with my hair. I would rock an enormous fro some days and two strand twists other days. I did the fro-hawk and I would dye it at even given moment. I never thought that my hair wasn't professional. I was able to get business internships and even a management position. I went on several interviews rocking my fro and never thought that I was being judged. I was young then and in my early 20's so this, of course, was appropriate..... [EDIT--did I really type that? Why should my age determine what hairstyles are appropriate? Are fro-hawks inappropriate for 30 and up? Hells no. Can't believe I wrote that. Bad B.]
When I graduated from college, I got serious about being taken seriously. I traded my flip flops for cute sandals. I stopped wearing t-shirts in public and started wearing cute blouses and baby doll tees. I also stopped wearing my hair all wild and settled for nice and neat afro puffs and twists. Ironically enough the only time I felt that my hair was an issue was when I was around "majority Black" settings. Ain't that something?
If at a moment's notice I have to attend a luncheon or meeting, I always HOPE my hair is "neat" enough. That the frizziness isn't as bad. Sometimes I will even re-twist a few locs to ensure that I look professional.
I hate that I have to do this. This is something I will need to get used to because although I'm not sure I'll have locs forever, I know for a fact that I'm not getting a perm ever again. I wish that I felt confident with my natural hair at all times, but I don't. Some times I'll feel dynamic for being the only "nappy head" in the room and other times I feel as if people immediately judge me. It's sad that I feel way and am trying to shake it. But am I the one that needs shaking?
Or do the views of Black women and their natural hair need some shaking?
This post was prompted by this brotha's video here...
I agree with some of what he is saying. But not everything. He isn't the first Black man who I have heard say this.
First off...let me say this.
I don't think that perms/weaves are a form of self-hate. I think to make that assertation is a little extreme. It seems that the finger is ALWAYS be pointed at the Black woman. As if we are responsible for this so-called "form of self-hate". No one sits back and thinks about WHY we do what we do.
They just see it, give it a negative connotation and move on.
That's not fair.
Now don't get it twisted. I am not supporting perms or weaves. AT ALL. I hate them both. I am proud to say that I have never worn a weave (only extensions). And I am proud to say that I will never put a perm in my head again. It is a personal decision that I have made but I could care less what anyone else does. My Mother, my sisters, my closest friends...they all rock perms and weaves. And do I look at them differently?
Hell no.
Do I think that my Mother secretly hates herself because she gets a perm every 4-5 weeks?
Nope. In fact, I would argue that it was my Mother who taught me how to love myself despite my insecurities. The insecurities that had nothing to do with hair. She helped me feel beautiful when I felt ugly because of the gap between my teeth. She taught me how to have "spa days" at home so that I can feel beautiful about my body. I learned about self-love from her. A woman who when I picked on her about being "old" on her 50th birthday responded saying,
"Whatever....I'm 50 and fine."
And she is. She loves herself. There is no doubt about it.
Yet she has a perm.
Okay, I'm lying...I secretly wish that all Black women went natural. There's a certain kind of love that you feel for yourself that just can't be felt with the constant use of perms/weaves; both which mask our unique and beautiful hair texture. And if you ask any napptural female, she will tell you the same thing. Being natural is freedom. It just feels good. And I want my fellow sistas to feel that feeling.
But I know some chicks won't drop the perm if you paid them. Oh well.
No one looks at the history of perms/weaves and the Black woman.
I like to think that if Black men loved Black women more, we may not be so inclined to rock perms and weaves. Seriously....think about it.
If Black men suddenly stopped putting ladies with long hair in their videos and ONLY had sistas with afros, twists, locs and braids, imagine what this would do to the psyche of Black women.
Imagine if Russell Simmons, Kanye West (his annoying behind), Jay-Z and Dwight Howard dropped the chicks that they are with and traded them in for nappy headed beauties. And these beauties are being seen on t.v. with them....and in magazines....and on stage...and on the sidelines. Imagine if these Black men proudly linked arms with sistas who are rocking their beautiful natural hair.
Imagine what that would do for Black women. And little Black girls. And the way we saw ourselves. If our Black fathers/brothers/husbands/uncles/friends can love us in our natural state then hell...
WE CAN LOVE OURSELVES TOO!
And so would start an epidemic of Black women dropping the perms and weaves and making the uneasy transition to sprouting beautiful natural hair.
Now that's just one thought. There are sooooo many.
I know because I had to write a 20-page paper on Colorism in undergrad for my Africana Studies discipline and I spent a good 6 pages talking about hair. That paper was a masterpiece, yall. I ain't even gon lie...lol!
I challenge Black men to love Black women a little better in our natural state. Our requesting that we love ourselves in our natural state.
What if Raven Symone rocked an afro on her show?
What if Tyler Perry ONLY had women with natural hair in his movies?
What if hair stylists honestly told their clients that natural hair is better?
What if there were more hair salons that taught us how to work with our hair instead of against it?
Just...what if?
Perms/weaves are NOT a form of self-hate.
As Black women, we don't hate ourselves. We just haven't learned to completely love ourselves. .....and we ain't the only race that has that issue dammit!
I would love to hear yall's thoughts!
[EDIT] And I can I just say that even though wearing my hair naturally has given me certain kind of LOVE....I kinda thought I was the baddest thing walking even when I had a perm. LOL, seriously! Self-confidence is something we ALL need to work on.
I know the title may be throwing you off but this was the topic of a discussion a few of my girlfriends and I had last weekend. These particular friends had various hairstyles.
There were two loc rockers, two permies and a sista with a TWA (teeny weeny afro). I don't even know how we got on this topic but before I knew it we were all dramatically expressing our woes of having Black hair.
"It's like no matter how a Black woman wears her hair, it's ALWAYS going to be a hassle."
"We can never NOT put a satin scarf on at night."
"I thought that by going natural, my hair would be easier to take care of. Not!"
"And there's a reason why we spend so much money on products. Our hair requires so much!"
I could go on and on...and at the end of the conversation I really got to thinking...
"Damn, it sucks having nappy/kinky hair."
And very rarely do I NOT like my hair. I actually love my natural texture...but it's true, having Black hair is hard work. I don't ever remember it being easy.
Actually wait---having a small afro was probably the best style I ever had. Such freedom. And let's not forget braid extensions. This was the ONLY style in which my Mom let me swim every day in. And being able to swim without fear of my hair was true freedom for a litle Black girl.
Does having Black hair suck? I love mine and I know it's beautifully unique but my friends of other races never told me horror stories about the hot comb from the stove. Or being 12 years old and spending every other Saturday in a hair salon....hours and hours in a hair salon. And I would always be frustrated with my hair growth, balding spots....not sure what to expect when a perm would literally leave my scalp on fire.
Does it suck having Black hair? Even as a natural it's going to take hours to twist and loc your hair. And let's not talk about the pain that comes from "blowing out" to achieve the perfect afro. I could never put a comb to my nappy hair because it huuuuurt.
Do other races of women run from the rain the way we do? Or don't swim? Or don't work out? And then blame their hair....?
I won't be updating this blog THAT often. I mean how much activity can my hair go through? Locing is a process that doesn't happen over night so don't expect daily updates, people. :) 2-3 posts a week at the most. But if you are so desirous of hearing me ramble you know there's always Clumps of Mascara and Rantings of a Rebella!
I don't intend to only talk about my locing process in this blog though. I'll be ranting on other topics like:
-Why I hate the word dreadlocs. -Why I love my natural hair. -Why I could care less if you have a perm or not (do you!). -Why I get sick of people saying that natural hair is unprofessional. -Why I've never worn a weave/wig. -Why I think natural hair is a repellent for a lot of Black men. -Why hair is such a issue for Black women, in general. -The excuses Black women make about why they won't go natural.
...all kinds of ramblings. And while most will focus on "natural hair and its beauty", I have to say....I am not against perms. I, personally, will never put one in my head again but that's just me. Brown ladies are beautiful regardless how our hair looks.
So yeah....that's that. I thought I'd do a quick 4-Day Check In....
Why is my hair so bare here? Yikes! I'm not diggin' this. And that coil with the gold tip is the one that is usually soaked AFTER a strenuous work-out. That baby coil has survived thus far but it will only be a matter of time....
And then here's the back...
Look at those crazy fine hairs. I know they will cause me some trouble as I get deeper into the locin' process. And look at the one coil unraveling!
Yikes! I've since re-twisted it but I am going to hate having to do this after every work-out.
And..bring on the fuzzies!
I've been warned about the attack of the fuzzies (thanks Kia) but didn't know that they would arrive so early. I didn't even pull out the WELCOME mat. LOL. My loctician has said "Leave your hair alone"...but I can't help it. I just--have to--re-twist some of these.
And as for as moisturizing....the gloss/oil is working perfectly. No itchies or anything!
